


Something You Can't Replace

by HellYeahFeels



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, after episode 34, takes place during episode 36
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 03:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2758184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellYeahFeels/pseuds/HellYeahFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you lose something you can't replace. Could it be worse?</p><p>"Worst crush ever," she muttered as she lost herself yet again into a dark oblivion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something You Can't Replace

**Author's Note:**

> After S01E34 of Carmilla web series. Hollstein One-Shot with "Fix You" lyrics—From my Tumblr HellYeahFeels.

"Laura, you did it." A stab of pain impaled her as her head remained low. "You saved Betty. You saved almost everyone."

Tears began to pool in her already puffy eyes, her throat constricting even more.

_**When you try your best, but you don't succeed.** _

_I could have done something. I could have saved_ her.  _But I didn't._

"Yeah," Laura answered, nodding her head slightly. Her eyes glazed over, a tidal wave of pure grief and agony suffocating her, filling up her lungs to the brim, leaving her throat raw. She refused to break down, however, and instead hid behind a stony facade, her soul screaming in anguish.

"Almost everyone," she added dejectedly, her voice impassive and hallow.

**~*~**

She lied in bed, sprawled within the wrinkled sheets. Her mind was racing with thoughts, memories. Her chest was heavy and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

How could she, when she was drowning in sorrow?

Laura clutched the sheets, her pillow wet with tears. A broken whimper passed her gritted teeth as she replayed her first encounters with the fallen vampire.

_I wanted to kill her, huh? Wish granted._

_**When you get what you want, but not what you need.** _

She wanted a better roommate, yes, but not like this. Never like this.

Fate was a cruel mistress, she decided as she rolled onto her side. Her eyes rested on the surface of the vampire's bed and she smiled grimly at the messy covers.

 _She was a terrible roommate, wasn't she?_  she thought to herself as her eyes began to droop. Her eyelids weighed a hundred pounds and it was pulling her down with them.

 _**When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep.** _  
_**Stuck in reverse** _

A dull pain was drumming on her temples, telling her she needed sleep but no matter what, she couldn't. Her dreams were clogged up with horrible fantasies: Carmilla coming back.

Laura despised the dreams because she knew better, unfortunately. Her vampire roommate isn't coming back. She had to face reality sooner or later before it caught up with her and destroyed her.

Her chest heaved as she sobbed into her yellow pillow, holding it close. Her petite body trembled, mournful sounds escaping her.

_**And the tears come streaming down your face.** _

She was overwhelmed by  _her_ scent and her stomach dropped. "C - carm..." she blubbered, salty tears running along her cheeks.

_What do I do now?_

_**When you lose something you can't replace.** _

The brunette tried to control herself but it became more difficult once she started to piece every little detail together. She choked up when she recalled the moment she almost said she loves— _loved_ —Carmilla.

_**When you love someone, but it goes to waste.** _

_I could have told her,_ she realized with remorse.

Laura sniffed. "I could have told you...but I didn't."  _Why am I so stupid?_

She tossed in bed, holding the sides of her head. Her eyes gleamed with unshed tears as they bored into the ceiling. A grim smile formed tightly on her face as her body quivered.

_**Could it be worse?** _

"Worst crush ever," she muttered as she lost herself yet again into a dark oblivion.

**~*~**

She stared deeply into the monitor as Betty stormed off. She pressed her lips together, revealing a crack in her shield. A small smile curved her lips, something she hadn't done in a while.

 _Maybe I_ am  _too tightly wound._

"And look," she paused, collecting her thoughts, "I know that she was a terrible roommate and kind of a terrible person sometimes," her lips grew into a larger smile, "and that one big grand gesture doesn't make up for centuries of what's essentially murder, but..." Laura swallowed the pain, continuing, "She was  _my_ terrible roommate and she made the big gesture for me." Her voice weakened at the end, acknowledging Carmilla's acts of honor.

Her dark eyes flickered downward, her eyes shiny with new tears.  _When will I finally run out of them?_  she pondered.

A soft knocking filled the air as the door creaked open. The brunette jolted, swiftly turning to see Perry standing at her doorway. There was an undecipherable expression on her face as she neared the young adult.

_What is she doing here? I thought she was—_

"Hey Laura." She paused, raising her hands. "Um, so, something happened, and, um, I just wanted to come prepare you so that you wouldn't freak out."

Laura's eyebrows rose as she listened to Perry's explanation on why she was there. "And, um," Laura didn't realize that Danny was beginning to enter the small dorm, "they found, um..."

"Okay, sorry," the tall redhead surprised both women as she appeared to be carrying something.

Laura's eyes widened, her heart stopping, her chest constricting, cutting off her ability to think coherently. She stood abruptly from her chair, clutching onto the back.

"Easy Bit, she's heavier than she looks." Danny set the unresponsive vampire onto her bed. Laura's breathing converted into labor pants as realization crashed upon her like a million bricks.

She threw herself at Carmilla, still not understanding how the girl was still here.  _She's supposed to be dead! How is she not dead?_

"Carm!" She stepped back, hesitating to touch her.  _Why is she like this?_

Danny retreated from the bed. "So, we think she's... I mean, she seems dead, but she's a vampire, right?"

The brunette's heart pounded as the answer popped in her head. "Well, blood!" she cried out as if it were obvious enough. "She needs blood!"

Her mind raced as she ran back to grab the milk carton, hurrying back to Carmilla. She lifted her head as she set the opening of the carton to the vampire's slackened mouth.

Laura's eyebrows lowered in worry. "Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead."  _I can't lose you again. I'm so close._

She gasped when Carmilla started to drink the blood for herself, her body moving. Laura laughed lightly in victory, watching the vampire intently. A small smile instantly formed on her once awestruck face. She placed the carton on the desk behind the bed frame.

Carmilla began to sit up, her movements slow and weak. She breathed in deeply, her eyes partially closed.

Everyone was silent, awaiting Carmilla's reaction.

The vampire looked at the three women and pressed her fists into the mattress. "Whoa, that was a kick," she breathed, her voice husky, raspy at the edges.

Laura's heart started beating again as she pounced on the vampire, wrapping her arms around her. Carmilla let out a surprised but pleased sigh, holding onto her elbow.

Laura inhaled, recognizing the scent.

It was the lingering smell in the room. It was the smell on her pillow.

She closed her eyes.

It was the smell she missed.

_**Lights will guide you home.** _

_You're back. You're real. You're_ here.

She pulled back, brushing back a strand of her hair. Their eyes met and Laura could've just imploded with emotions. Instead, she tried for a smile and a, "Hey."

She looked into those dark but knowing eyes, waiting for her to reply. At this point, she could take anything.

A small smile tugged on Carmilla's lips. "Hey." Her eyes flitted downward.

The small taps of footsteps on the wooden floor fell deaf on Laura's ears. All there was was her and Carmilla. Nothing else mattered.

A sudden thought hit her. "Are you hurt?"

Dark eyes clashed again and Laura swallowed back her sudden shyness. "It looks like maybe you're hurt. And," the door closed, ignored by both girls. "I'm sorry I hugged you so hard that you're hurt, it's just that you were dead," Carmilla rose to her feet, intimidating Laura but she continued, "and now you're not and - and I know you're probably going through a lot of stuff with your mom, it's just that..."

She faltered, gazing into Carmilla's eyes. It was like she was back into her oblivion but this...this was raw and passionate. It was eating them both alive.

Those dark eyes darted to her lips, eyeing them with want. Laura's stomach churned, unsure why she was looked at like that.

Before she could speak, Carmilla held onto her face and pulled her forward. Their lips met and the brunette tensed in surprise before melting into the embrace. Her hands, useless at her sides, rested on Carmilla's arms.

Electricity was coursing through her veins as she kissed the vampire. It awakened every cell in her body, extinguishing the former flames of anguish.

_**And ignite your bones.** _

The girls separated and stared into each other's eyes. They still grasped each other, refusing to let go.

 _She...kissed me... Carmilla_ kissed _me..._

Almost immediately, Laura started to ramble again. "And I know that you didn't do everything for me, I just..."

Carmilla smiled at the dork and placed a chaste kiss on her. A warmness boiled in Laura's gut as she grinned and squealed, kissing Carmilla again. Her hands lowered to the vampire's waist. They parted and Carmilla looked at her in disbelief.  _Yeah, I like you too, goof._

She grinned at the effect she had on the immortal being and pulled her in close, holding her head as she poured her soul into the kiss. She took the lead and showed Carmilla how much she truly _loves_ her.

Carmilla broke the kiss and fixed the hair on Laura's shoulders. The brunette was vibrating with joy and the kisses left her lightheaded as she looked at the vampire in amazement. "Wow."

The dark haired girl replied with the pursing of her lips. They held each other as if they were dancing and Laura internally giggled.

_How ironic._

She swallowed thickly and decided to ask Carmilla something she'd been wondering about since they were torn apart. "So, you're a giant black cat, huh?"

**_And I will try to fix you._ **

Carmilla's suppressed smile turned into a full out grin and laugh.  _She looks so beautiful._

Laura joined her and both girls lost themselves in a fit of laughter. The vampire lowered her head and made an agreeing gesture with her hand as the brunette smiled at her. Love and admiration shone in their eyes as they looked at each other once more. Laura's heart lifted, her chest light and free.

She then realized that Carmilla was something that she could not replace, even if she tried.

Grinning crookedly, she agreed that she wouldn't want it any other way.


End file.
